Life is complicated. Relationship are complicated. Day to day routines can be complicated.
The complication I'm trying to figure out most recently lies within my own mind. I'm having an inner struggle on the difference between what I want and what I need. I'm trying to determind the difference between desiring something (or someone) that you could live without and truly having a need for something (or someone) in your life that you couldnt survive without. I think this is one of those "which came first: the chicken or the egg" situations of life.
Here's the problem...I live in a brand new city - a city with over 5 million people mind you. I left everything I've known for the past 8 years of my life to make a career change and expand the possibilities of my job, my social life, my personal life, my EVERYTHING. What made me accept this huge life change...to be honest, I have no freaking idea. I think that God literally pushed me into this situation. I had not be asking for a new job, I had not been asking for a way to get out of Birmingham, I had not been asking for new freinds/church/soccer team/social clubs/ROUTINE...I had been asking for a small change - something to "mix" up my life a little bit. Something to just spice it up...little did I know that spice would require starting over from scratch.
I move to Atlanta, armed with a few old friends living here (that I hope would show me the ropes) and a pretty determined mind that I would create a fabulous new life - one that would make my life in Birmingham look like a little glimmer in the distance. I had big dreams, big goals, and bid aspirations for how I was going to make this new life happen. Well...like the old saying goes "Rome wasn't built in a day"...If I had a dollar for everytime I've heard that in the past 4 months, I could eat for free for a month! Basically, my friend-making, getting involved goals weren't happening as fast as I would like them to happen.
So...this is where things get complicated. I started dating someone. I enjoy my time with the person...but they want to spend all their time with me. This person has been living in Atlanta - is established with work, school, friends, etc. unlike me. So, this person is ok with wanting to spend lots of time with me - getting to know me and hanging out. If someone want to DATE me...take me on dates, wine and dine me, show me you want to PURSUE me. I dont want to just sit around in our sweats on the sofa cooking dinner and watching movies all the time. I almost feel like I am missing out on opportunities to be doing bigger and better things because I'm not out seeing my brand new city. I can sit on the sofa anywhere...but, again, since this person is already established here, they feel no need to go site-seeing, club hopping, restaurant galavanting, etc.
I feel like because I'm giving my time to this person (or any boy for that matter) that I'm missing out on cultivating my relationships with potential freinds. I've recently joined two soccer teams, joined a Crossfit gym, joined a church and a women's small group. I have found ways to get connected. BUT if these people only see me once a week or less, how are they going to really get to know me? How am I going to develop these relationships with them, when I'm devoting my time to only developing one relationship? In lies the delemia. I'm so afraid I'm going to start to resent this person because I'd rather be out doing things with girlfreinds in the city and getting to know them better. I'm also so scared to get serious with someone, then heaven forbid, we break up a year later and then I'm back at square one - with no serious friendships in this huge city.
So...I ponder - on a daily basis - what's more important: developing NEW lasting relationships with friends here, or seeking out the person that I would ultimately like to spend the rest of my life with. I think I desperately desire to find my true love - find my price charming to make me a wife and a mother. But I dont want him to be my only friend. I see so many of my friends that get married, and then their lives only revolve around that one person. I feel sorry for them. I feel sorry that they dont have tons of girls to do GNO's with. I dont want to be the norm. And since I dont want to be the norm, does that mean that I avoid and/or forego dating at all in this big, new city with lots and lots of guys just because I'm afraid of not having friends.
I know what everyone is thinking...when I stop looking "he" will find me. Or...if I spend time developing my friendships, then maybe the man of my dreams is freinds with one of my new girlfriends. I understand that. I just dont know how to deal with my current issue. Do I continue dating this person because I enjoy their time, but worry that I'm missing out on things? Or do I continue to date them, praying that I find the time and effort to still seek out new friends. I know this sounds so ridiculous and bogus, but this is my problem and it's complicated.
I'm open to suggestions. I want my life to be super satisfying in Atlanta. I mean, I uprooted myself to move here; I felt there was something bigger and better waiting here for me that obviously was not in Birmingham. Does that lie in my job? My friends? A guy? A sport/hobby/etc. There just arent enough hours a day to devote all the time I want to all the things I want. Does everyone have this same problem?!
Thursday, May 6, 2010
Sunday, May 2, 2010
It's been a while...
Ok...so I started this blog in the fall of 2009. I had all intentions of writing daily (well maybe not daily) but at least weekly. I started out really great, then fell off the band wagon as the year wrapped up. In that interrum around Christmas time, I moved to Atlanta...
I interviewed for a job in Birmingham - a sales position. Something to get me outta my office chair, out from behind a computer all day and allowing myself to meet new people on a daily basis. The position was filled by my good friend Kristi (unbeknownst me me that she was even interviewing for the position, but I promise there were no hard feelings when I found out she got the job) because she obviously had more experience than I did. BUT the company offered to relocate me to Atlanta - my first home. I took a week to weigh the pros and cons of the move - the biggest con of moving was leaving my friends...I finally reasoned that if I moved and we didnt remain friends, then that friendship really wasnt that great to begin with.
Over Christmas break I packed up everything I had known for the past 8 years of my life and moved to Buckhead - into a cookie-cutter white walls, white floors apartment. I miss hardwood floors, I miss old bathroom tile, I miss my small kitchen and even smaller 1950's oven, I miss the smell of an antiquing apartment and I miss my friends coming to my apartment for girl's nights.
The first few months in Atlanta were a blurr - traveling for training, shadowing other reps, and the national sales meeting. Literally I blinked and it was April. Where had the time gone? I sit here and try to think back onto what happened in the first few weeks of 2010 and I honestly cannot remember. I did not make any new friends, I did not find a church, I did not join a soccer team, I did not start going to a gym, I did not blog, I did not read. What did I do? Work...and adjust.
I think I've finally passed the adjustment phase. I have now lapsed over into the branching out phase of a life changing move. I moved to a city of 5 million people and I knew maybe 5 people here...I'm having to step out of my comfort zone...I invite myself along to do activities, I volunteer to host events, I participate in as many events as I can - all in hopes of gaining back the life I once had in Birmingham. The life I loved and miss so much. Being the new girl in town when youre 26 is hard - not a lot of people are out looking to make all new friends at this point in their lives...They already have those freinds established.
I have now joined a Crossfit gym, joined two soccer teams, started attending a church and a small group, I play with a bunko group, I'm getting more adjusted to the lifestyle of my new job and I feel it's finally time to start blogging again. When I first started my blog, I didnt expect anyone to read it - people may still not read it. BUT this is the place I should think to put my thoughts and feelings down...in the past few months, I've missed not having a place for verbal release. I feel like my writing skills have decreased; I miss writing.
So...I make a promise to myself today. I will make efforts to get back into writing. I am passionate about this and I want to feel like myself again. I want to be me in a new life; My life in Atlanta, as a sales rep, a soccer player, a badass crossiftter, a good freind and a writter. Make I commit to my promises to myself...
I interviewed for a job in Birmingham - a sales position. Something to get me outta my office chair, out from behind a computer all day and allowing myself to meet new people on a daily basis. The position was filled by my good friend Kristi (unbeknownst me me that she was even interviewing for the position, but I promise there were no hard feelings when I found out she got the job) because she obviously had more experience than I did. BUT the company offered to relocate me to Atlanta - my first home. I took a week to weigh the pros and cons of the move - the biggest con of moving was leaving my friends...I finally reasoned that if I moved and we didnt remain friends, then that friendship really wasnt that great to begin with.
Over Christmas break I packed up everything I had known for the past 8 years of my life and moved to Buckhead - into a cookie-cutter white walls, white floors apartment. I miss hardwood floors, I miss old bathroom tile, I miss my small kitchen and even smaller 1950's oven, I miss the smell of an antiquing apartment and I miss my friends coming to my apartment for girl's nights.
The first few months in Atlanta were a blurr - traveling for training, shadowing other reps, and the national sales meeting. Literally I blinked and it was April. Where had the time gone? I sit here and try to think back onto what happened in the first few weeks of 2010 and I honestly cannot remember. I did not make any new friends, I did not find a church, I did not join a soccer team, I did not start going to a gym, I did not blog, I did not read. What did I do? Work...and adjust.
I think I've finally passed the adjustment phase. I have now lapsed over into the branching out phase of a life changing move. I moved to a city of 5 million people and I knew maybe 5 people here...I'm having to step out of my comfort zone...I invite myself along to do activities, I volunteer to host events, I participate in as many events as I can - all in hopes of gaining back the life I once had in Birmingham. The life I loved and miss so much. Being the new girl in town when youre 26 is hard - not a lot of people are out looking to make all new friends at this point in their lives...They already have those freinds established.
I have now joined a Crossfit gym, joined two soccer teams, started attending a church and a small group, I play with a bunko group, I'm getting more adjusted to the lifestyle of my new job and I feel it's finally time to start blogging again. When I first started my blog, I didnt expect anyone to read it - people may still not read it. BUT this is the place I should think to put my thoughts and feelings down...in the past few months, I've missed not having a place for verbal release. I feel like my writing skills have decreased; I miss writing.
So...I make a promise to myself today. I will make efforts to get back into writing. I am passionate about this and I want to feel like myself again. I want to be me in a new life; My life in Atlanta, as a sales rep, a soccer player, a badass crossiftter, a good freind and a writter. Make I commit to my promises to myself...
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