The Proposal

Chaz and I had planned to go to dinner on Friday, July 27th to celebrate our month-a-versary. (Yes, cheesy, I know....) But it was the first month marker in our entire relationship that we've actually been in the same city at the same time. So...we had planned to go to dinner at 26. All week I was interrogating him about our plan - for those of you that don't know me well, I'm SUPER OCD planner and I was trying to pick his brain to see what was up. I suspected something might be happening (as we had talked a lot about engagement/our life together/etc when we were in France a month ago).

Earlier in the week Chaz and I had discussed making paleo chili and going to the Lululemon one year anniversary party on Thursday evening. So, Thursday afternoon Chaz called me and said he was at my apartment cooking and would have everything ready when I got home so we could eat and not get to the party too late...he told me to let him know when I was on my way home. My apartment has two entrances and I always come in through the back door - through the kitchen. I walked into the kitchen...all the lights were off, nothing was cooking and it didn't smell like chili. At this point I was like "What the heck...I'm hungry...."

I set my stuff down and started calling his name...there were no lights on in the entire apartment. I walked towards my living room and heard our song playing - Somewhere Over the Rainbow by Israel Kamakawiwo'ole. I walked into the living room...lit completely by candles. And looked down at the coffee table - He had spelled out "Will You Marry Me" in tea lights.

He walked towards me with a box in his hands. He took my hand and said a bunch of sweet things - about how he thanks God every morning when he wakes up for having me in his life, how he promises to always take care of me and love me until the day he dies, and how nothing would make him more happy than for me to be his wife. He got down on one knee and and asked me to marry him.

I - being the most emotional person in America - just stood there shaking my head yes. He started laughing, stood up, hugged me for a few minutes then said "well??" My response..."Yes, oh my gosh - this is really happening, YES!!" He put the ring on my finger and then I realized there was a video camera in the corner of the room...He had captured the entire moment for us to relive again and again. (Which is a good thing because I think I was in shock when it was happening.) After I stopped crying, he told me he actually DID have dinner for us. We sat enjoying dinner, drinking champagne, calling family and sending a gazillion texts.

Three weeks before we went to France Chaz called my mom and asked her permission to marry me. He wanted her help in finding the perfect ring for me, so he drove to ATL a few days later to meet her at the local jeweler where our family had been going for years. He flat-out lied to me about what he actually did that day...something about lunch with friends and reading and cleaning all afternoon. Little did I know that the two most important people in my life were scheming behind my back. My mom offered him my great Aunt's diamond to use in the setting they selected - which came as a huge shock to him (but very sentimental to me!!) So...the ENTIRE time we were in Paris, Chaz knew he would be asking me a few weeks after we got back...that little stinker.

He HAD actually planned to ask me Friday night...but the ring arrived Thursday morning and he knew he couldn't wait another day. He completely changed his plan from the original plan so that he would throw me for a loop and my planner mind wouldn't know what was coming. He definitely surprised me and I wouldn't have had it any other way. We were in our element - causal, not dressed up (yes I had on ITF work gear), and doing something we love...just spending time together, talking over dinner and listening to music. It was perfect.

The ring is absolutely TO DIE FOR! I'm obsessed....He's caught me numerous times just staring at it. :) I've accidentally called him "boyfriend" probably 5 times since getting engaged. Having a fiance will take some getting use to. :)

We have unofficially set the date for March 30, 2013. Of course lots of details to follow...Looking forward to planning an event to mark my becoming Mrs. Chelsey Tillman.

Made to Crave...

A recent 101 graduate at 280 told me about a book she was reading - Made to Crave...she said it was part of the motivation that kept her coming back to this new "lifestyle program" she'd started. She probably didn't realize that I'm a crazy book nerd (up to 23 for the year) and whenever someone mentions a halfway decent book, I want to get my hands on it. Especially a book about eating/food/motivation. As we are about to embark on a 40 day Transformation Challenge at IronTribe, I figured this would be a great read - of course sparking a blog...

Made to Crave (Satisfying Your Deepest Desire with God, Not Food) is not a how-to manual or the latest, greatest dieting plan. Made to Crave is a helpful companion to use alongside whatever healthy eating approach you choose - a book and a Bible study to help you find the "want to" in how to make healthy lifestyle changes. A typical book on healthy lifestyle choices contains lots of talk on vegetables, calories, colon cleanses and phrases like "you must", "you should", "or else."...right?

A whole lifetime could be spent making excuses, giving in, feeling guilty, resolving to do better, mentally beating yourself up, feeling like a failure, and resigning to the face things cannot change. You don't WANT to spend a lifetime in that cycle do you? So...Lysa challenges her readers to find the true "want to" in your life. Not only that, in finding the desire to conquer you unhealthy cravings, she talks about something very significant - spiritual malnutrition. We can feel overweight physically but underweight spiritually.

"But Chelsey...you're not overweight, why are you reading this book?" Just because I don't have pounds to lose, doesn't mean that I haven't battled unhealthy body image issues before...I was actually the extreme opposite - weighing in at a whopping 95# my freshman year of high school - and I'm sure even lighter spiritually. I have had my fair share of unrealistic issues with food - knowing how many calories each food on this planet contains, counting weight watchers points for everything, running 10 miles a day to burn all those calories, skipping meals, hoarding food to eat later, punishing myself with sit ups for eating something bad, the list goes on and on. So...I read this book to remind myself that we all struggle with food and body image, no matter what weight we are - but more so, to re-enforce those positive changes I've made: to accept the body God has given me, thank Him daily for this temple, praise Him for the tasks I can accomplish when I work hard, smile at my curves, and enjoy the wonderful foods of this world as FUEL that He created.

Lysa says at the beginning of her book: "I've even asked God if it would be such a terribly difficult thing to swap the molecular structure of Cheeze-Its for carrot sticks. They're both already orange. And, really, how hard could that be for someone who's turned water into wine?" I laughed out loud because (if you've read some of my previous blogs)...I have an obsession with Cheeze-Its. They are delicious!! I've since chosen to give up Cheeze-Its, but for most people it's easier to make excuses than changes.

The rich young man in the story from Matthew 19:21 goes away sad because he wont give up the one thing that consumes him. He is so full with his riches he cant see how undernourished his soul is. He's just like people today who refuse healthier breakfast options like eggs, asparagus and fruit so they can fill themselves up with candy-sprinkled, chocolate-frosted doughnuts. Even when their sugar high crashes and they complain of splitting headaches, they steadfastly refuse to consider giving up their doughnuts. What Lysa is saying..."With Jesus, if we want to gain, we must give up. If we want to be filled, we must deny ourselves. If we want to truly get close to God, we'll have to distance ourselves from other things. If we want to conquer our cravings, we'll have to redirect them to God."

Let's take it back to the beginning - the story of Eve. In Genesis 3:6..."She saw that the food was good, pleasing to the eye, and desirable." She didn't walk away and give herself time to really consider the choice. She didn't talk to God; she only focused on the object of her obsession. You crave what you eat. If I make healthy choices over a period of time, it seems to reprogram my taste buds. The more veggies and fruit I eat, the more veggies and fruit I crave. However, if I eat brownies and chips, I crave brownies and chips in the worst kind of way. Eve craved what she focused on. We consume what we think about. And what we think about can consume us if we're not careful.

Now...think about Jesus. He sets a beautiful example of breaking this vicious cycle of being consumed by cravings. Eve was in a garden of paradise with her every need provided for. Jesus had been in a desert, fasting for 40 days (40 days in the Transformation Challenge - ironic?). And yet, he held strong and set a powerful example of how to escape the vicious grip of temptation. He quoted God's word. Truth is powerful. The more saturated we are with truth, the more powerful we'll be in resisting our temptations.

Lysa talks about temptations: "I had to get honest enough to admit it. I relied on food more than I relied on God. I craved food more than I craved God. Food was my comfort. Food was my reward. Food was my joy. Food was what I turned to in times of stress, sadness, and even in times of happiness." So...she met with a nutritionist, made a plan and set her healthy eating goals (awesome job to those of you that attended Forrest's goal setting seminar). "Each time I craved something I knew wasn't part of my plan, I used that craving as a prompt to pray. I craved a lot. So, I found myself praying a lot. It was my way of tearing down the tower of impossibility before me and building something new."

When I read this part of Lysa's book, I made a promise to myself that I'd take on this task - praying for others when my mind started to drift towards food...especially coming off of a sugar/carb/alcohol/dairy-filled Parisian vacation. That's all my brain can think about as I start trading my morning croissant for eggs and spinach. But it's important to note: Growing closer to God has a whole lot less to do with any action we might take and a whole lot more to do with positioning our hearts toward His. So...as I make conscious efforts to pray more for others (especially those participating in the challenge), my hope is that my heart (and mind) will think less of my own my own physical need and more about reaching out to help others. We live in a selfish world - this is no easy task. Getting healthy (physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually) is not just about having faith, goodness, and knowledge. We have to add to that foundation by choosing to be self-controlled and choosing to preserver even when the journey gets really hard.

Lysa challenges her readers to define themselves by their obedience, rather than a number on the scale. (Remind me to tell you about the scale smashing party we had at my old crossfit gym in ATL - it was VERY liberating!!) Being faithful in taking care of my body (His gift to me) by walking according to His plans gives me renewed strength to keep a healthy view of my body, and encourage others to do the same. The more you make a fitness plan/lifestyle choice (IronTribe in my case) about spiritual growth and discipline, the less you focus on your actual weight. Each pound lost (to those of you in the weight loss division of the challenge) should not be a quest to get skinny, but evidence of obedience. Psalms 73:26 says, "My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever." There are natural consequences for not taking care of our bodies. Be it more weight and less energy now or heart disease later, our choices matter both in the physical sense and the spiritual sense. I know when I'm not taking care of my body, I feel more weighted down by stress and problems. I have less energy to serve God and more thorny emotions to wade through when processing life.

Food is not the enemy here. Satan is the enemy. And his strategic plan is to render us ineffective or at least sluggish for the cause of Christ. When we're defeated and struck in issues of the flesh, it's really hard to fully and passionately follow hard after God. So, lest we start mourning what will be lost, we must celebrate all that's being gained through this process. Things that unleash your weighted down soul, re-inflate your defeated attitude and can set loose a hope that maybe, just maybe you CAN. Focusing only on what we're giving up will make us feel constantly deprived. Instead, we have to focus on everything we're gaining through the process. The "I can" becomes a new-found courage. Chips and chocolate fill your mouth for a few seconds with a salty and sugary delight that has no life. But courage fills your heart, mind and soul with everything alive and possible and invigorating.

Being obedient to caring for your body is a process. I'm not saying the process is easy. I'm not saying the process will happen overnight. I'm not saying the process won't be stressful, frustrating and even challenge of your faith. But what I am saying is that YOU have the control, you have the tools necessary, and with God all things are possible. I had a realization in high school - I only get one body and it's run by food and faith. Food is the fuel, faith is the oil. My body runs best on clean healthy food...not sugary, processed crap that will only satisfy me for a short amount of time. (And on the flip side...if I deprive myself completely of food, I'm not thanking God for this gift. I'm saying I don't cherish my body and I don't care if it falls apart. I was saying I don't need to be filled by food OR faith.) But, like a car, things begin to break down if I don't check my oil often. Crappy food and muddy faith were a recipe for deterioration. You are beautiful. You were made for a purpose. Your body is a temple. Now take care of it...