As defined by Widipedia will power is the ability to exert one's will over one's actions. It manifests as inner firmness, decisiveness, determination, resolution and persistence. Also related to selfcontrol, the ability of a person to exhert his/her will over the inhibitions of their body or self.
I have determined that I have no will power when it comes to certain things. In particular cherry coke zero's and candy.
Typical morning...Get in the car and drive to work. Must brace hands firmly on steering wheel so I dont turn down the street with the gas station. Crap...turned down the street with the gas station. Talking to self..."Self, DONT go to the gas station. You dont NEED a cherry coke zero." Will power lost...pull into gas station. Once in gas station think to self..."Self, I'm hungry...maybe I should get a bag of peach rings." (How this is a justifiable breakfast, I'm not sure.) Pay for coke, and candy...and oh hell, throw in a pack of gum too. Get in car, drive to work. Think to self..."Self, I'll make this the last day I get a coke." Next morning...Get in car and drive to work. Must brace hands firmly on steering wheel so I dont turn down the street with the gas station. Crap...turned down the street iwth the gas station...You get the point.
I get to Friday and I've gotten a coke for the past 4 days. And I think..."Man, I dont even want a coke today - I'm not even sure if I like the taste of it." But what do I do?? I buy a coke...out of habit. Drinking a cherry coke is like a drug to me, I cant stop. It's an addition where I cannot overcome the high...I want another one. Then after I buy it and am left unsatisfied, I want another one. The constant up and down is like the merry-go-round of a drug addict.
The weekend comes and goes (of course with lots of cokes and candy), but it's the weekend - whatever you eat and drink on the weekend doesnt count. Right? :) Sunday night I convince myself that I will start fresh tomorrow. I will quit coke and candy...for good. I'm good for two days, get stressed, break down and buy one. The will power constantly being lost.
I know this sounds absolutely pathetic. Yes, I'm technically not addicted to a "hardcore drug" but caffeine is indeed a drug. And I cannot quit. I've done the math - one average I spend $80-$100 a MONTH on coke and candy. That's twice as much as I spend on my gym membership. So does that mean that I should have to work out at least twice as hard to burn off all those empty calories?!?! Not to mention the hole that is left in my bank account - that unaccounted for money, gone down the tube for nothing?
So...how do I find the will power to quit? I try to rationalize it out in my head: 1) that's too much money to spend on crap; 2) I have nothing to show for that purchase; 3) my pants are getting tigher, should I take this as a sign; 4) my other friends arent addicted to cherry coke zero and candy like me; 5) I'm an athlete, why dont I just enjoy a water?; 6) I have control over myself.
Someone please let me know where I can find the will power. I sit here (three empty cheery coke bottles on my desk later) and convince myself that TOMORROW will be the day. Tomorrow will be the day that I find the will power. It's tucked away, burried beneath layers of carbonated water, caramel color, phosphoric acid, aspartame, potassium benzoate, natural flavors, acesulfame potassium, citric acid, malic acid, potassium citrate and caffeine. Tomorrow I will slowly chip those layers away, revealing the hidden beauty of my will power. My will power to control my addiction.
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