Random Ramblings

So much for blogging once a week, right? It's been a month. A MONTH since I last blogged. I make a promise that I will get it together and be more dedicated to my blog. I blog when I have something (in my opinion) profound to say...and recently, I just have been complaining. I'm pretty frustrated with myself.

Not that it's an excuse, but I got completely overwhelmed with my life...reality set in. I had a week about 3 weeks ago where I cried every day. EVERY day for 7 days straight. The reality that my life is compeltely different than it use to be slapped me in the face. Hard. I got scared I had made a HUGE mistake by moving back, by quitting my job. I got scared and I got selfish. I had a few days where all I did was bitch to other people (anyone who would listen really) about how my life was overwhelming and stressful and I didnt know if I could do it. Then I had lunch with a friend who brought everything back full circle. "Chelsey - do you have any debt?" "No." "Do you have school loans or a car payment?" "No." "Do you have a mortgage? Do you have kids to care for? Do you at least HAVE a job? Do you have friends and family that will support you?" The list went on and on. After listening to my friend and drying my red, puffy eyes....I realized I was being selfish.

The whole reason for my move was I wanted to feel more satisfied in life. What made me feel satisfied? Serving others and making a difference!! And there I was feeling sorry for myself because I was tired and I was overworked and I felt financially strained and I felt pulled in a million directions. BUT when serving others, it's NOT about me and my needs...it's about getting the job done and knowing at the end of the day I made a difference. I was SO wrapped up in my own stress that I failed to see the difference I was making on others. And I WAS making a difference...just oblivious to those that I was touching.

I had dinner with a friend early last week, followed by coffee with a different friend the following morning where in BOTH conversations we talked about INTENTION. Intention and purpose. I have since changed my attitidue about everything. The first thing I do EVERY morning when I wake up is set my intention for that day. I literally lay there in my bed, staring at my ceiling and meditate on my day. What is my goal? What do I hope to accomplish? Who do I plan to touch? What will make that day satisfying? Then as I walk (run, stretch, talk, lift, etc) through my day I think about my intention. Is my intention being reached? It's crazy...I am still tired and I do feel stressed some days, but I'm totally ok with it because I've met my goal for that day. And when you set yourself up for success (achieving that intention) and focus less on the negative, you feel so much better about life. Who knew all I needed was an honest conversation with a friend to remind me it's not about me? She is one of the most self-less person's I've ever met and I'm so grateful to have her in my life. It is my intention to find more friends like her.

I've been coaching a 101 (crossfit fundamentals class) at ITF Homewood the past month and received a special facebook message from one of the girls in the class the other day...literaly made me cry. It said: "I loved talking to you today. I can tell you are a special person and God has his hand on your life. I am proud of you going after what you love. You are awesome." Message's like that are the nuggets of goodness that remind me to do what I love and love what I do. That day and those moving forward remind me that when I focus on others, they notice and it will return back to me.

Same feeling happened this weekend at Tribe Quest. I HATED not being able to compete with everyone!! BUT it was such an amazing feeling judging and coaching everyone through the grueling WOD's. Had I not done my part that day on the organizational side, the members would not have had as enjoyable of an experience. I felt so proud listening to everyone rave about how much fun they had and how well organized the event was. It was about a team effort and had the ITF staff not been a team and served the members that day, the event would not have been such a success. I honestly think I had MORE fun judging than I would have competing as an individual, go figure.

The ONE area where I'd like to have internal focus on MYSELF is my study in the Word and commitment to prayer. I have found myself SO tired recently that I dont read the bible or say prayers as much as I use to. I'm physically and mentally so tired that I neglect the one who should give me strength? Ironic...

If I could use any moments where I'd like to feel selfish and shift them to focus on God's purpose for me and how he can effect/change/guide my life I think I'd be even better at serving others. I would really like to set my intention to have God time each day. I absolutely HAVE 15 minutes a day I can spare that I can devote to Him, his teachings and how to improve myself through Him. I pray that through dedication to this ONLY selfish moment in my life, that I will feel more energy to pay it forward to others. Like Gandhi said "Be the change you wish to see in the world."